So, when we got engaged, and then married, we always talked about one day wanting just that. Then we blinked and it was five-and-a-half years later. During that time we went through a major career change for Luke, graduate school for me, and shoveling our way out from under the tremendous mountain of debt we accumulated in college. Left with a much stronger relationship, some experience under our belt, manageable debt of just a reasonable mortgage and student loans, and some wonderful time with just the two of us, we got to talking about if maybe it was time to add kids to the mix. Kids are such a big commitment, though. What if we couldn't be the parents our parents were? What if we were too much like our parents? Could we afford it? Maybe we should pay down the rest of our student loans first. Plus, everything in our lives was so very wonderful, maybe we should just leave things as they were for a bit.
Then, one week not too long after that conversation, I firmly believe God intervened. Luke had a fantastic position on a task force that all of a sudden had to be disbanded due to lack of city funding. Then, in the sixth round of cutbacks at my company, I was finally hit. We both lost our positions in a matter of days, and Luke lost his take-home car along with his. Driving home from small group in our truck, wondering what we were going to do, I hit a deer and totalled the only car we had left. So, we lost both of our positions and cars in the same week. That's about the time we started reevaluating where we were in life.
Luke, always the practical one, pointed out that he still had a job at the department, so we were O.K., and I suggested I take a few weeks and think about what I wanted in this next phase of my career and in life. He also mentioned that maybe this would be a good time to talk again about having a family. And then off he went to work, leaving me at home with no job and no car to just sit and stew about how upside-down my life had suddenly become. For a few weeks I just wrestled with how caught up my identity had been in my career, and how stubborn I had been about making my own plans and resisting things I was scared of rather than just moving forward with them. I finally got to where I could give up my fears about where we were going and pray for God to just show me where to go from here. When Luke got home that day, I told him I was finally over my funk and ready for a new start, for phase two, of my career, of our marriage, and if, it happened, for kids too. Luke prayed that night that God would give me great job opportunities, peace, direction, and that He would bless us with a baby. Finally, after years of wondering when the perfect time was for kids, and how to balance that with my job, it felt wonderful to give up trying to figure that out, and see what God had for us.
Over the next few weeks, I got several great job leads that I pursued, and started to look forward to new possibilities in our lives. Then, one Sunday, I woke up not feeling well at all. The same thing happened the next day, and the next. And by 8pm each night I was asleep on the couch. To top it all off, I cried so hysterically when watching The Blindside on DVD, Luke had to pause it until I calmed down enough to continue.
A few days later, in the quiet morning, the word "PREGNANT" stared me straight in the face. I just laughed, smiled, then prayed "Alright, God. Here we go. I'm trusting you on this one." And, for the first time in weeks, I felt the most amazing peace sweep over me as I walked in the bedroom to wake Luke up and tell him the news: phase two of our life had already begun.
(That day, Luke brought home pink and blue flowers and treats after a TAC exercise and before work!)
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